Saturday, July 30, 2011



* WARNING: If you are offended by off-color and stupid religious or Catholic humor then... go to hell. Kidding. We meant to say 'purgatory'. This is yet another 'one hour humor brain blow-out' aka. LAUGH-GASM by Chris Yambar. It is an exercise to keep his mind fast and free in the humor zone. These will be posted whenever they occur with no apologies. Sorry.

"Sometimes I just have to go crazy and empty my head. Humor just builds up and has to be set free. I can never tell what is going to trigger this shameful event. It's amazing just how many punchlines and captions there are in and out there. This allows me to have room for more junk to purge later. Funny is just funny. Feel free to laugh at my expense." - Yambar

1) This mass is brought to you by the lower case letter 't'.
2) Hey! Where's the dude for this thing?
3) Bless the burgers. Bless the fries. I'm sick of working the drive thru in this hat!
4) Biggest swizzle stick ever.
5) And this time make the altar boy by a mute.
6) Shit! Forgot to wear my slip again.
7) I'm gonna ride this like Harry Potter does his in the movies.
8) Marshmallow roast after homily.
9) Oops! Probably shouldn't have had Ozzy as a ringtone.
10) Who glued this fancy napkin to the top of my head?
11) Chicks dig the car.
12) These pumps really hurt.
13) Bad time for a boner.
14) Won this at the fair.
15) Ready for Whack a Mole.
16) Hat hides massive 26" forehead.
17) He Man symbol on chest.
18) Wearing a Poise just in case he giggles.
19) Forgot to jiggle the handle.
20) Actually 3' tall and rides a unicycle under gown.
21) Gonna have to actually read that Bible thingie one of these days.
22) Time for a smoke break.
23) Fly is down.
24) Hat doubles as fence post digger.
25) Barn dance?
26) Misses PTL Club.
27) Can't wait to abort bad burrito.
28) Cards with Anti-Christ, Hitler and Regis every Thursday.
29) Bought stock in Phillip Morris.
30) Opening new disco in Germany after the scandal breaks.
31) Got a Spongebob stuck in his Squarepants.
32) Ring squirts holy water.
33) Subscribed to Wittenburg Door back in the day.
34) Forgot to paint nails all fancy.
35) Hates Red Hulk!
36) Hell of a cornholer.
37) Swiss army crucifix.
38) Tiny minnow in bubble globe.
39) Directing 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes'.
40) Allergic to Protestants.
41) Loves Indigo Girls.
42) Bugged by new contacts.
43) Original Papa Smurf.
44) Went crazy with the border tape from his bedroom.
45) I'm sick of these Cardinals. Send me a Robin.
46) And our host for the evening...
47) Addicted to show tunes.
48) Sent a valentine card to Mary. She dissed him.
49) Can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue.
50) Looked up Flying Nun's dress when she flew by.
51) Misses his ol' pal, Pokey.
52) He's thinking 'Arbys'.
53) TP struck on bottom of shoe.
54) Midget riding in hat.
55) Into nunsploitation films.
56) Dotted his 'i' and crossed his 't'.
57) That's not a robe tassle!
58) Too many Jello shots back at the hotel.
59) Wears ruby slippers.
60) Opened for KISS in '97.
61) Mud wrestles with Jews in Motherland.
62) Put Janitor in a Drum.
63) Hooked on phonics.
64) Got buzzed at pot luck dinner.
65) Originally drummed for Vanilla Fudge.
65) Tired of working Christmas and Easter.
66) Believes in rhythm method as long as it has a good down beat.
67) Gets skidmarks from his rectory.
68) Lidsville.
69) Pierogies? Pirohy? Screw it. I'm getting frozen Mrs. T's!
70) Devout Trekkie.
71) Receiving winning lotto numbers for the week.
72) Likes to talk about oral sex.
73) Suddenly forgot his PIN number.
74) Will kick Chuck Norris' ass in a second!
75) Has been mistakenly adding rosary to his sauce since 1952.
76) Runs bleechers in his new stylin' Airwalkers.
77) Calls Yambar for punchlines.

Fresh Fish


Saturday, July 16, 2011