Sunday, August 23, 2009

Classic Items I Once Listed On eBay

Yambar Models eBay Items

This is why it is a bad idea to have Yambar do convention sketches for money when he is bored.

10 Famous Yambar Quotes

!) "I just can't compare myself to mere mortals. It's just not fair." (After painting 85 Popeye portraits in 3 days. Not kidding.)

2) "I think that everyone should be entitled to my opinion." (After saying that The Watchmen and Julie & Julia were the best movies of 2009.)

3) "I don't think that we should have to pay for our dinners with money. I'm going to make them take comic books." (And he did! He actually paid for 3 oriental buffets in North Carolina using signed comics as cash. The cook was super happy that he did. Witnessed by George Broderick Jr. and Mike Bocianowski who ate that day for free.)

4) "When I die they will find me penniless and poor lying in the fetal position on a urine stained cot in the Youngstown Rescue Mission with a cut out of the She Hulk under my pillow." (Famously told to all who know him.)

5) "I swear too damn much." (Actually said from the pulpit during a church service.)

6) "Good art is good worship."

7) "That fart was so loud three gay guys just got excited."

8) "When I paint, it's like using Easter colors during a Mexican Fiesta on the 4th of July. Retinal burn is everything."

9) "Who on earth wants to buy a painting that matches the couch?"

10) "Hey, everybody! Let's race!" (Spoken loudly in a high class city bathroom filled with business men sitting in metal stalls trying to crap without making any rude noises. Guess what happened next?!)

Saturday, August 1, 2009


Local authorities confirm rumors that Youngstown celebrity Chris Yambar has been questioned for reckless driving and for not placing his underage passenger in a secure car seat as mandated by Ohio law. Yambar was seen racing to a local DQ with a famous Japanese television child star held between his chest and the steering wheel of the automobile.
When asked why he did not have the child buckled in properly in an approved safety devise for transportation while driving to the local confectionary, Yambar simply stated, "Look, man! The kid is a total plushy. He weighs practically nothing and is stuffed with fluff. In Japan he is constantly being blown up and having hard objects hit him against his head. What's the big deal?"
To the shock and amazement of the arresting officers and several onlookers, Yambar leaped from the vehical, removed a golf club from his trunk and began hitting his passanger on the head. "See? He's perfectly safe! The next thing you'll try tagging me with is having a monster in my pocket!"
The victim simply purred in Japanese as they drove away with their Dilly Bars.
Later that day, Yambar was seen climbing up to the top of his garage holding an iron anvil. When asked what he was planning to do with it, Yambar explained that he was going to teach his youthful charge a few facts about modern physics. In spite of his unorthodox techniques, Yambar insisted that he only had the best interests of the child in mind. "Creatures like my good friend speak a totally different language from those of us who live in this sector of reality. Their world is completely animated. The standards are completely different. Come on, people. It's not Team Rocket Science, y'know!"
The name of the visiting foreign child superstar is not being released due to complex international and moral privacy restrictions.