Saturday, August 1, 2009


Local authorities confirm rumors that Youngstown celebrity Chris Yambar has been questioned for reckless driving and for not placing his underage passenger in a secure car seat as mandated by Ohio law. Yambar was seen racing to a local DQ with a famous Japanese television child star held between his chest and the steering wheel of the automobile.
When asked why he did not have the child buckled in properly in an approved safety devise for transportation while driving to the local confectionary, Yambar simply stated, "Look, man! The kid is a total plushy. He weighs practically nothing and is stuffed with fluff. In Japan he is constantly being blown up and having hard objects hit him against his head. What's the big deal?"
To the shock and amazement of the arresting officers and several onlookers, Yambar leaped from the vehical, removed a golf club from his trunk and began hitting his passanger on the head. "See? He's perfectly safe! The next thing you'll try tagging me with is having a monster in my pocket!"
The victim simply purred in Japanese as they drove away with their Dilly Bars.
Later that day, Yambar was seen climbing up to the top of his garage holding an iron anvil. When asked what he was planning to do with it, Yambar explained that he was going to teach his youthful charge a few facts about modern physics. In spite of his unorthodox techniques, Yambar insisted that he only had the best interests of the child in mind. "Creatures like my good friend speak a totally different language from those of us who live in this sector of reality. Their world is completely animated. The standards are completely different. Come on, people. It's not Team Rocket Science, y'know!"
The name of the visiting foreign child superstar is not being released due to complex international and moral privacy restrictions.


  1. Youze looks like youze rollin in yah hooptie!